How To Take Care Of Yourself After Getting Dumped By Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal

THE GOAL: Do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself emotionally and physically. Such as . . .

Eat right.
If you have a nutty family — CREATE BOUNDARIES.
Say “YES” to everything that you think might be fun but that you’re too afraid or too lazy to do. Do it, dammit!
Give up being perfect because Christiane Northrup, the famous gyno, says to and because it’s true. In fact, rent and read all Northrup all the time. We love her!
P.S. Hate to break it to ya, but you’re not perfect anyway. No one is except Daniel Craig.
Be grateful (not like you live in Bangladesh for cryin’ out loud).

Think about what turns you on . . .

Daniel Craig???
Hot air ballooning?
Surfing? Reading?
Just brainstorming here . . .

Embrace stillness.
Be alone. Don’t be afraid of it.
Get away and look at nature.
Look hot for YOU.
Hit a fabulous bar and have the perfect cocktail.
Find any goddamn reason to celebrate.
Surround yourself with inspiring, fabulous women who enhance your life.
Dump the toxic ones who bleed you dry.

Respect Yourself

“It’s the friends you can call at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich

Be kind to yourself.
Fake it till you make it.
It’s actually been proven to work — so, do it.
Embrace change.
Embrace chance.
Get a shrink . . . a life coach, a trainer, a lover, a whatever . . .
Just get proactive about TAKING CARE OF YOU.
Throw all ideas and dreams at the wall and see what sticks.
Get strength from a “source” — books, god, masseuse, nature, vibrator . . .
Create the world you want to live in.
Now is the perfect time to follow your real love, the real passion in your life — maybe it’s not even a man.
A new career?
A new city?
A new pet?
Adopt a mutt!

“The PRIVILEGE of a lifetime is being who you are.” — Joseph Campbell

Get Netflix® and rent all you can on Louise Hay . . .
Wayne Dyer, too.

Also — and this is imperative — rent Rome.
Because, honestly, you just can’t beat porno as performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company!
It’s fabulous! If the Pocket Rocket® doesn’t get your juices flowing, Titus Pullo surely will. Rent Rome and use your Pocket Rocket®. Now that’s heaven!

Go with your gut.

De-clutter your life.
Free yourself up from people and stuff. You’ll feel light as air.
If you don’t love it, CHUCK IT!

If you’re dating again — great — good for you!
Don’t overanalyze or investigate if the guy doesn’t call you again. You two didn’t click. Who cares?
Move on and don’t take it personally.
Don’t cloud yourself up with negative thoughts.

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. We can’t reiterate this enough!!!

Practice smiling . . . at everyone!
That is an order!
List all your fears and then turn them into
positive statements. On paper.
For example, if you’ve written, “I’m never going
to get over my ex,” change it to, “I am so over my ex.”
DON’T analyze what you coulda woulda shoulda done.
Move on.

AND . . .

Don’t lean too hard on your friends.
If you’re obsessing like crazy get a shrink and reread DUMPED every day. Stop complaining and droning on for crying out loud. We don’t want your friends to DUMP YOU, TOO!

Fill your home with love and joy by adding flowers, friends, parties, art, candles, pets…
Paint one wall sexy red just because you wanna!

MJ: THE FIRST THING I DID when we broke up was buy an orange couch. He hated that color. It was my “f**k you, it’s my house now” sofa.

CB: I DONATED, SOLD, GAVE AWAY anything and everything I didn’t love or need. I want to live simply and feel like I’m in Tahiti or Bermuda at all times. Doesn’t everyone?

Do all the stuff HE didn’t want to do.

Stop settling for crumbs!

Plan an exotic trip for yourself…

You don’t have to hit “buy” just yet, but fantasize and enjoy thinking of the world beyond your walls. Who knows where it may lead . . .


This article is an excerpt from Dumped: A Guide to Getting Over a Breakup and Your Ex in Record Time by Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal.

About the authors

Maryjane Fahey is a writer, designer, and former serial monogamist living in NYC. Her specialty has been journalism and editorial design, including the redesign of BusinessWeek and the Boston Globe, and the launch of Women’s Health. MJ is a graduate of the School of Visual Arts and Newark School of Fine Arts. Newark has an art school, that’s right — it’s not just where the airport is. She has every intention of continuing her new career as a writer and absolutely no intention of being dumped again.

Caryn Beth Rosenthal, a former Benny Hill Babe, is an actress/writer who hails from Jacksonville, Florida. Her credits include animation, sketch, soaps, and regional and Off-Broadway theater, including a solo show she wrote and performs in called Getting Over Mark, as well as numerous voice-overs and commercials. CB lives in NYC with her loyal mutt, Jax, an 8-pounder on wheels who thinks he’s a 200-pound four-legged rottweiler. His credits are too numerous to mention.

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